One of the biggest questions we receive from married couples and those in committed relationships is that they simply don’t have the time to devote to their relationships that they would like. Often when there are children involved, their activities and needs take precedence, especially if the children are very young.
Since half of all marriages end in divorce and not having enough time for the relationship is a big problem, it may seem that the idea of marriage and getting married is like playing the slot machines at Las Vegas! This does not have to be the case.
Through working with many married people in our relationship coaching practice, we have identified some ways that you can create a great marriage even if you are busy. We suggest that you identify the ones that appeal to you and those that will enhance your love for each other.
With that being said, here are several things you can do to create a great marriage even if you are busy:
1. Many couples feel a soul mate connection when they first come together and then after a few weeks, months or years, that feeling may gradually slip away. To recapture that feeling, take some time to remember what it was that attracted you to each other in the first place. It might be some activity you shared and that you could do again, even if it was once a month. The point is to consciously set aside the time to do an activity that you both used to enjoy and that brought you together.
2. Bring romance back into your relationship. Couples say they lack the time to be romantic and they lack romantic ideas. They say that their marriages are dull, boring and there is no life in them. Romance can spice up a marriage and it can take very little time. Simply take a moment and look into each other’s eyes. Stop what you are doing and connect. That can be the most romantic thing either of you could do.
3. Some couples have a problem with relationship trust and they use “being busy” to mask the true reason for disconnection. There may have been hurt that wasn’t addressed and it’s difficult for them to open their hearts to each other. The marriage that lacks trust is one where one or both people feel like they are walking on eggshells and never fully allow themselves to commit to the relationship. When there is no trust between the partners, separation is created at every step of the way (including being busy) and it’s difficult for the two people to feel any type of connection. So begin to address the issues that are underneath the “busyness.” Begin to be honest with yourself and with your partner about why you are so busy. Get professional help if you need it.
4. A common problem that happens when a couple is very busy is that the relationship lacks intimacy and love making is unsatisfactory to one or both partners. In some cases, there is flirting with other people because one or both partners want more attention and want to feel loved. In order for love making to improve, both people need to take the time to connect before the bedroom. Even if the connection is 10 minutes during an evening, it will make a huge difference in the quality of your love making. Fantastic love making starts with a heart connection and this is where we suggest people begin to focus their attention.
5. When both partners in a marriage are too busy with work, childcare or other concerns, one or both people can have jealousy issues. They may have been in a series of past relationships where their partner cheated on them. They may have low self-esteem issues. Whatever the reason, jealousy eventually tends to destroy a marriage.
6. When both people are very busy and ignore their marriage, infidelity is the norm rather than the exception. When one or both people in the marriage are having affairs and they are not dealing with the problems, the relationship is most surely headed for divorce. In many cases, infidelity and affairs would never happen if people understood the importance of healing their broken heart and not pretending that something or someone outside of themselves and their marriage will fix it. Begin to focus on your relationship now—even if it’s just turning to pay attention to your partner when he or she speaks. Don’t hide in the newspaper, kids or television. Turn and be present.
We suggest that you take this free relationship advice and begin using it to create a great marriage. The most important thing is to actively start focusing your attention on your relationship. The best advice we can give you is to start now!